Love at First Sight/Transcript

• Ozzy: [Laughing]
• Rafik: I'm telling you, dude, you really have to see this video. This guy can turn his head 180 degrees. Ha! He can check his own butt!
• Boyster: Anyone can do that.
• Rafik: Ha! Sure! Anyone without vertebrae.
• Boyster: [Chuckles] Ah!
• All: [Growling]
• Boyster & Rafik: [Nervous Chuckle]
• All: [Grunting, Growling]
• Boyster: Guess they don't like kelp smoothies!
• Both: [Screaming]
• Rafik: [Panting]
• Boyster: Rafik! This way!
• Rafik: No! That's Hooligan Hall!
• Boyster: Hooligan...?
• Axel: [Growling]
• Ozzy: Oh... sorry for your loss.
• Boy: Nobody wanted it to end this way.
• Boy: Hang on in there, buddy.
• Axel: [Growling]
• Axel's boyfriend: Do it, Axel. Rip his head off.
• Boyster: [Groaning]
• Axel: [Growling]
• Both: [Yelling, babbling, electricity fizzling]
• Boyster: [Yelping]
• Axel's boyfriend: Huh?
• Boyster: Rafik, cut it out!
• Rafik: I just can't believe you're still alive.
• Boyster: I don't know what happened. When she grabbed me, it was like being hit by lightning.
• Shelby: [Gasps] Did you perspire?
• Boyster: I did feel kind of clammy.
• Rafik: Well, you are a clam.
• Shelby: What about her? Was she awkward? Unsure of herself?
• Boyster: Well, she didn't punch me.
• Shelby: Were her pupils dilated?
• Boyster: They were!
• Shelby: How dilated?
• Boyster: [Straining]
• Shelby: [Gasps] Just as I thought! All the signs are there. Boyster, you have just experienced... love at first sight!
• Rafik: [Spits]
• Boyster: Love?! With Axel?!
• Shelby: Have you ever felt this way about someone else? You didn't meet her by chance. This is your destiny!
• Rafik: [Spits]
• Boyster: So I'm in love but I just don't know it?
• Rafik: You can't be in love with Axel! She's not even human! I think she's half-bear.
• Axel: [Growling]
• Boyster: Well, I'm half-oyster.
• Shelby: Another sign!
• Rafik: Are you insane?!
• Shelby: Excuse me, this is his destiny you're talking about.
• Boyster: Yes, Rafik, this is my dstiny. Shelby, I need your advice. I don't know anything about love.
• Shelby: You've come to the right shell. You'll be smooching up a storm in no time!
• Woman: Eduardo, have you ever felt this way about someone else? We did not meet by chance! This is our destiny.
• Eduardo: Let's smooch up a storm.
• Both: [Laughing]
• Boyster: My darling Axel. I know my heart... My darling Axel, I know in my heart that we did meet by chance. And the electricity we felt between us can only mean one thing: that we are truly, madly, deeply in love. That is why I come before you on bended knee... Oh. ...to humbly ask, Axel, will you smooch up a storm with me?
• Axel's boyfriend: [Laughing] You just signed your death sentence! Nobody talks to Axel like that!
• Axel: [Groaning]
• Boyster: You see? I'm not making this up. Would you mind turning off that music? We're having a moment here?
• Axel's boyfriend: Huh?
• Axel: That's not music. It's my heart.
• Boyster: Huh?
• Axel: [Moaning]
• Rafik: Oh, she's part bear, part slobbery dog.
• Boyster: [Spits]
• Rafik: He hasn't updated for hours. What if he never comes back? What if she's got him trapped in her bear cave? Oh! So long, buddy. It's been real. Ah! What happened to you? You look like a zombie who got hit by a bus.
• Boyster: Axel gave me a makeover. I'm not sure it's really me.
• Shelby: When you're in love, you have to make sacrifices.
• Rafik: What is that?
• Boyster: Axel gave me a present too.
• Rafik: She bit you?
• Boyster: No, her present did. [Screaming]
• Shelby: This is to be expected. Love hurts sometimes.
• Boyster: Ah! Oof!
• [Electricity fizzling]
• Both: Whoa! What was that?!
• Shelby: That was beautiful. Love strikes again.
• Both: Huh?
• Girl: When you're in love, you have to make sacrifices. Love hurts sometimes.
• Boyster: Shelby, is this where you've been getting all your advice from?
• Shelby: Where else? It is the top-rated show on television.
• Boyster: Hey, Rafik. Give me your hand.
• Rafik: Uh, no offense, Boyster, but I just like you as a friend. [Grunts] [Moaning]
• Boyster: So, Dr. Love, how do you explain this?
• Shelby: Fascinating. Boyster, our mutant oyster DNA never ceases to amaze! It seems that you're armpit glands have been storing static electricity since your infancy. These glands must operate just like the ones on certain rays and cels. One touch and...
• Both: [Laughing]
• Shelby: Are you even listening?
• Rafik: Rays and eels, whatever. The only thing that matters is Boyster's not in love!
• Boyster: I'm not in love! I'm not in love! How am I gonna tell Axel?
• Rafik: Dude, just text her. From a concrete bunker. On the moon.
• Boyster: No, Rafik. I have to do this in person. I'm sure she'll understand.
• (Outside)
• Axel: [Sobbing] Why?! Why?!
• Boyster: There's no reason to be upset. We were never really in love. It was just physical.
• Axel: [Grunts]
• Boyster: Hey, that sort of looks like...
• Axel: [Grunts]
• Boyster: ...me.
• Axel: [Growling]
• Boyster: I was just kidding around before, as if I could ever break up with my... sweet, gentle Axel. [Nervous Chuckle]
• Axel: [Sighs, Laughs]
• Boyster: [Grunts]
• Axel: You feel that? You and I got something special!
• Boyster: What am I gonna do? I'm gonna be stuck with her for the rest of my life.
• Axel: Maybe you can at least get her to change to a different shade of lipstick?
• Boyster: What if she wants to get married?!
• Rafik: And have kids!
• Boyster: Ah!
• Shelby: This is splendorous. I'm gonna be an uncle!
• Boyster: Yeah, and it's all because of some dumb soap opera!
• Woman: Eduardo, it's over. Ricardo has come out of his coma, and I cannot possibly love both of you at once.
• Boyster: Hey, that's it. If I can just find someone else for Axel to love, I'm free!
• Rafik: All right, I'll call the zoo and see if they have any single male bears. [Laughs]
• Chaos: [Growling]
• Ozzy: [Laughs]
• Boyster: Soon as Axel and Ozzy touch. I'll give 'em one of these.
• Old Lady: Oh!
• Boyster: Oh...
• Rafik: What makes you think they're gonna touch each other?
• Boyster: I told Axel that Ozzy stole my dog collar.
• Chaos: [Growling]
• Axel: Are you the dirtbag who stole my boyfriend's neck chain?
• Ozzy: Oh! Chaos, sick her!
• Chaos: [Growling]
• Axel: [Roaring]
• Chaos: [Yelps] [Whimpering]
• Boyster: Here we go! Let the loving begin! Ah!
• Rafik: [Screaming]
• Axel's Boyfriend: Ever since Axel started going out with you, she's totally blown me off. [Grunting]
• Boyster: Oof! Ah!
• Axel's Boyfriend: [Growling]
• Boyster: [Panting]
• Rafik: Ah! Help!
• Boyster: [Panting] Whoa!
• Axel's Boyfriend: [Growls]
• Rafik: AH! Boyster, blast him!
• Boyster: [Screaming] Ah! Oh!
• Axel's Boyfriend: [Laughs]
• Both: Whoa!
• Boyster: [Grunts]
• Rafik: Ah!
• Axels' Boyfriend: Ah!
• Both: [Screaming]
• Axel: Huh?
• Ozzy: [Grunting] Nobody ever shock me like that. I think I'm in love.
• Both: [Spiting, Sighing]
• Axel's Boyfriend: [Roaring]
• Rafik: Boyster, zap him!
• Boyster: [Grunting] Uh-oh, I'm out of juice. I must have used it all up.
• Axel's Boyfriend: Where do you want it? The spleen or the spleen?
• (Axel punches her boyfriend)
• Axel's Boyfriend: [Grunting]
• [Teeth's clattering]
• Axel: Hands off my man! Hm...
• Boyster: Thanks for saving my face, Axel. But I have to be honest. I don't want to be your man.
• Axel: [Laughs] You're so funny sometimes. Come here! Ah!
• [Both Grunting]
• Axel: Ah! Wait! I don't feel it anything. What's going on?
• Boyster: See? We're really not in love.
• Axel: Ah... I guess I don't have a man anymore.
• Boyster: Maybe you do.
• Axel's Boyfriend: Huh? Oh!
• Axel: Huh? Ah!
• Axel's Boyfriend: Uh!
• Axel: Here.
• Axel's Boyfriend: Thanks.
• Ozzy: [Whimpering, Sobbing] Why?!
• Boyster: Yay! We did it!
• Both: Ah!
• Rafik: Yeah.
• [End of Love at First Sight]